Small Leaps

CLASSES
Combat:
Today was spent on the unarmed fight. There is one move where I do a forward roll, which I didn't add the actual roll to until today, when I started feeling better about the rhythm leading up to it -- I'm one of the boldest ones when it comes to the forward roll. There is another part where I'm pushed back to the ground from my knees, which I worked on getting a good slap and reaction. All the groups worked together at first, and the latter really startled Trina, which wasn't my intention, but it looked pretty good to her. She was positioned above me and saw my head move towards the ground. The question was whether it would look as good to an audience who would be in a position to see how close my face actually came.

We spent the rest of the class going a pair at a time through the fight. I could hear a reaction I couldn't identify from our class audience on the roll, which I was still being cautious with, wanting to get the feeling for it before going all out. I figured it was a chuckly thing from the slightly sideways skew I used to protect my neck and head until I am more comfortable and confident in the routine. The gasp when I did the face slam into the floor was very satisfying.

Geof really liked both of those adjustments. They liked the roll, saying it worked really well, and later totally bought the face slam. Yeah, I'm feeling a bit proud and jazzed. I was the guy who made it through one of the more physically demanding programs in the military, Aviation Officer Candidate School, and did so not on strength or athletic ability, but on stubbornness. In this case there was a developing and tuning of ability which produced a desired result. It is the sort of satisfaction I never had in sports as a kid or physical training in the Navy. What an unexpected time and place to find it, in the arts at 48 years of age. It is these little triumphs which make me love this training, even when I'm feeling overwhelmed or utterly incompetent and pedestrian in my work.


Voice (Kate):
We went through the Elizabethan world view exercise, developed by Linklater that Jack took us through several weeks ago in Speech. It helped a bit with my Caliban monologue, but really resonated later with my MacBeth soliloquy for experiencing Hell. One person worked their monologue, and I was going to volunteer next, but we ran out of time. Oh well, I should have volunteered first. This was the last class with Kate. The next two will be with Brennan, and the final class with both of them.


Acting/Verse/Text (John):
Amy, was out with two sick children. I hope they are better soon.

Lori and I worked our scene, looking for more specific objectives (me) and actions (Lori). I accidentally said 'objections' which was funny, but as I think about the soliloquy it seemed more of a Freudian slip. He really is balancing objections and objectives around his desire to usurp the throne by assassination.

We didn't run it, but I asked John about the soliloquy. In reading it and the analysis thus far it seems to me this is not a speech to the audience. It is an internal exploration or argument. I was a little nervous to bring up this thought for some reason, but John agreed with me. He suggested I make the different objects in the argument very specific, so the audience and I can see them. It's going to be a killer challenge, and I'm excited about it.

We had a lot of fun working the scene, and really got some moment to moment actions and objectives worked out, at least for today. We worked through most of the scene following Lady MacBeth's entrance. I pasted the portion we worked through. We were just beginning work on Lady M's last line in this bit when time was called. We covered a good bit of the scene, a surprising amount considering how early we are in the process. It only seemed like a moment or two.

[Enter LADY MACBETH]
                How now! What news?
Lady M.
He has almost supp'd. Why have you left the chamber?
Mac
Hath he ask'd for me?
Lady M.
                Know you not, he has?
Mac
We will proceed no further in this business:
He hath honour'd me of late; and I have bought
Golden opinions from all sorts of people,
Which would be worn now in their newest gloss,
Not cast aside so soon.
Lady M.
                Was the hope drunk
Wherein you dress'd yourself? hath it slept since?
And wakes it now, to look so green and pale
At what it did so freely? From this time
Such I account thy love. Art thou afeard
To be the same in thine own act and valour
As thou art in desire? Wouldst thou have that
Which thou esteem'st the ornament of life,
And live a coward in thine own esteem,
Letting 'I dare not' wait upon 'I would,'
Like the poor cat i' the adage?
Mac
                Pr’ythee, peace.
I dare do all that may become a man;
Who dares do more is none.
Lady M.
                What beast was't, then,
That made you break this enterprise to me?
When you durst do it, then you were a man;
And, to be more than what you were, you would
Be so much more the man. Nor time nor place
Did then adhere, and yet you would make both:
They have made themselves, and that their fitness now
Does unmake you. I have given suck, and know
How tender 'tis to love the babe that milks me:
I would, while it was smiling in my face,
Have pluck'd my nipple from his boneless gums,
And dash'd the brains out, had I so sworn
As you Have done to this.
Mac
                If we should fail?
Lady M.
We fail!
But screw your courage to the sticking-place,
And we'll not fail. When Duncan is asleep
(Whereto the rather shall his day's hard journey
Soundly invite him) his two chamberlains
Will I with wine and wassail so convince
That memory, the warder of the brain,
Shall be a fume, and the receipt of reason
A limbeck only: when in swinish sleep
Their drenched natures lie, as in a death,
What cannot you and I perform upon
Th’ unguarded Duncan? what not put upon
His spongy officers, who shall bear the guilt
Of our great quell?

I have never seen MacBeth as a weakling, so that flavors my character. This scene has his fears, anger, menace, and lust screaming out for me. Lori is a terrific partner, and generous. One of the most common feedback bits was the deep menace and sensuality in the scene. People found it scary. Those are challenging places for me to go, and while the training has made it easier for me to do so, a generous scene partner is as terrific a boon. It wasn't menacing or sensual specific to my work or hers, but in the interaction and the story.

OBSERVATIONS/CLICKS
I didn't know it at the time, but it was a sublime day. A nice breakthrough in Combat, which brought back my enjoyment of the class in an instant. Makes for better performances too. Same thing in Acting class. As I've mentioned lately this is feeling like a part of the process, and not a sport occurrence as a result of randomness or the proper alignment of the stars. There may have some slight of that aspect with MacBeth, but I'd venture the personal stakes for a play I really like offsets itself. It gives me more connection to the play, but more trepidation at the same time.

It is a signal that I'm moving forward as an artist. Both creatively, and technically. Sure I enjoyed it. I hung about a bit after class, and met up with Don and John for drinks and bowling with a mutual friend. John complimented me sincerely after class, as we were leaving the theater space which is always nice. A number of classmates did as well. Then as we socialized afterwards John and Don talked about the 'great work' I'd done earlier. We all do that for each other, and I am one of the majority who is sincere when doing so, not simply kind. I enjoyed the work so I certainly didn't mind talking about it for a few minutes.

That brings up another thought. When things go well, I like reliving it, but for only a minute or two. There are sublime moments from most the introductory and intermediate classes I've taken, and productions I've worked on. I tended to talk about those over and over, with anyone interested, or kind enough to feign interest. I think part of it is feeling a bit envious of the charismatic people I worked with in those places who I envied a bit. Funny, I have a different view of them now. It is a gift, more obvious, but like the presence/power I have been told I have, which is still something I'm working to assimilate in my view of myself. These different gifts may constitute a raw talent, but without development, they are limiting. Jumping on a gift may be a quick ride, but ultimately it is a short one. Audiences will get tired of seeing the same thing on stage, and an artist should get more tired of being the same thing. It is a no growth zone.

Earlier in my process of training and experience, the reinforcement of those transcendent moments was very important. It was during the changing of my world view to an embracing of art as the most important of human endeavors, instead of frivolity. Perhaps the most profound world view change of my life. I needed those moments to assure and anchor myself, as my world was shaking loose from it's accustomed pillars.

Now is not then. My world view is more dynamic, less rigid, yet more solid. Those sublime experiences tend more towards moments of clarity than a redefinition of my world. It is pleasurable to bask in them for a moment, for enjoyment and as a way of reinforcing the experience and it's process. Same thing when I crash and burn. It needs to be reviewed, and the lessons used to build. No need to feel guilty about reliving a little triumph. I tend to relive failures more, even though they have no more to teach. I think it is true of most of us. If you think you are being self-indulgent because you seek enjoyment in your triumphs, yet beat yourself up more over failures slap yourself. Slap yourself hard. You are being indulgent in your failures. If you find balance, then maybe you aren't indulging in your failures or successes. (I just slapped myself several times.)

Somehow, relegating sublime moments to a common learning experience sounds a bit like being a killjoy. In truth, quite the opposite. Accepting them as step in your process makes them more accessible. You need to bring the experience to your audience and if you have made it too precious, how can you achieve this experience on a regular basis for an audience? When you put something on a pedestal, you remove it from reach.