Blithely Despondent

CLASSES
Combat:
Reviewed our fight choreography and added a bit more. To do this we added Corps 'A Corps to a cut and parry for 5. The parry is slipped up until the pommels meet, and the combatants grab each other's sword hands, and struggle with the swords and hands locked together. We're getting some additional moves which will need for our choreography and test requirements.


Voice (Kate W.):
Did some more work with the yoga blocks for expanding the ribs and increasing core strength. Then we did some viewpoints, grids, running, and such. I was run into, and I softened the blow by taking it up on my leg. I shouldn't have done that. Better to bruise our arms than add more stress to my leg as the healing finally finishes and I'm rebuilding strength. It was uncomfortable, and I worry I did something to my leg.

After the exercises it was fun to see where the character started going. A lot of this opened not only the vocal instrument, but helped to let in the character a little more.


Acting/Verse/Text (Robin/Hal):
Okay, Hal doesn't hate me. I'd gotten the impression he didn't care for me. I had a little personal break through on Monday, and one of the realizations was it didn't matter if Hal didn't like me. I could still like him if I wanted, and without doubt could still learn oodles from him.

Petruccio is a challenge for me on many levels. Being a pushy, brash, lewd, and sensual character. I've been lewd in my humor, the rest is new territory. Shakespeare helps with the language and adding some movement and gaining more insight to the text (which I'd already studied) was helpful. I think I'm going to either have a hell of a time or fail gloriously. Maybe even both. Maybe even do a decent Petruccio and have a blast.


OBSERVATIONS/CLICKS
I'm starting to come out of my funk. Monday's realization that time and effort are not enough in themselves for what I'm hoping to accomplish is trickling into my being. I need to surrender myself and take more ownership for where I'm going. The concepts are somewhat dichotomous, so it is only right the implementation is too. This is at once the easiest to accomplish, and the hardest. As an actor surrendering to the character and the process has been an ongoing struggle for me. So has being truthful and investing myself, which I equate with taking ownership of my art. I love this to my soul. It makes surrendering intoxicating, and working a process towards truth and investment delightful. By old habit and fear there is also resistance.

Each time you find the new placement for the wall, it seems like you are totally blocked. At the time you don't really believe you've ever made any progress. You see the wall, not that it is a few parsecs removed from where it originally stood. I know this personally, and from other ensemble member's comments. Logically I know I have moved forward a great deal in the last five years. Directly I can see where my peers are as they have similar struggles. In my heart I still know I suck. I suppose that's why people think artists are crazy. We blithely put ourselves through this cycle over and over. Somewhere, somehow we know there is a truth we are getting closer too, and that we really are growing in our art.

I remember my intro classes. I was certainly never the shining star. Don't think I have ever been. There was a shining star of another kind inside me though. I feel it's fire. It is what drives me. I remember those people with a native talent I so envied at the time. I don't now. The searing hunger from within has pushed and drawn me into an amazing journey.

"Why do we do this? Why do we do this to ourselves?" It is the most common refrain I hear from my artistic friends and peers. Because we have to. To stop is to watch a great part of us die. Yup, we're following our hearts. The little bastard sears our souls, spawning a spark of life we can't stop chasing. No, this isn't quite right. I'll have to think more and find a better way to explain.
-- O, Will, where be thou in my time of need?